The Cheat Sheets
What I tell the women I mentor. Nobody puts this in a handbook.
Never Cry at WorkIt's almost never sadness. It's anger with nowhere to go, and it arrives two beats after somebody says something dismissive about work you did.
7 min readThe Note Taker AssumptionWould you mind capturing this one? You hear yourself say sure before you've decided anything. You were, in several of those meetings, the most senior person at the table.
6 min readWomansplain BackThis one is just the lines. Sentences you can put in your mouth before you need them — pleasant, certain, already moving on.
5 min readDon't Let Them Make You InvisibleSpeak up, sit closer, own your work — correct, and incomplete in a way that gets people hurt. Here's the version with both halves: what to do, what it costs, and where to sit on the dial.
6 min readAsk for the NumberMost women I know are physically uncomfortable saying a number out loud and holding it. I got good at this on purpose. Here's the playbook — including where it doesn't work.
7 min readDeclare vs DiscussSame ambition. One person gets logistics. The other gets a discussion. Here's the construction that stops you contributing to that — without pretending a script fixes the asymmetry.
5 min readStop Apologizing. Men Don't.Open your sent folder. Count the sorries. Most of them aren't apologies — they're a toll you pay for being in the room and needing something.
6 min readDon't Bring It to HRThis will read as advice not to report things. It isn't, and the difference matters.
7 min readPlease Fix Everything. Budget Pending.The big role finally comes, and it feels like everything you earned. Then you realize you weren't handed an opportunity. You were handed a grenade with the pin already pulled, and your job was to be the one holding it when it went off.
8 min readInterview Them BackThe last ten minutes are the only part of the process where you're the one gathering information.
5 min readThe Green Flag MenSome of the people who changed the direction of my career were men. Here's how to find them — and the part everybody leaves out: even the good ones will let you down once.
6 min readMake It RecallableYour review is not an evaluation of your year. It's an evaluation of what two people can recall about your year. Change what's recallable.
6 min readSponsor, Don't Just MentorMentoring is cheap, safe, and countable. What it produces is well-mentored women who don't get promoted. If you have any standing, the useful question is whether you've spent anything.
6 min readThe Path Behind YouGetting through the door was never the win. The actual question comes later: who's behind you — names, people who are somewhere they wouldn't have been because of a specific thing you did.
6 min read